Sunday, April 3, 2011

Loose Change

Life Changes suck because they are like the currency form of change. First and most notably change is almost obsolete. In this day and age of credit/debit there is no need for you to carry a pocketful of quarters dimes and nickels around.  Every transaction is electronically calculated thus removing the need for pouring a bunch of smelly metal into your hand and counting it out. When you think of change what's the first thing you think about? probably and old person in line in front of you at the convenience store, CONVENIENTLY counting out 3 dollars worth of pennies and nickels to pay for a gallon of milk.

What do you do with change? More often than not, you try not to address it for as long as possible. You get a jar, piggy bank or 20 gallon water jug in the case of my father and you start throwing change in it. You only ever collect the change for one of two reasons:

1) the piggy bank is full.
2) you are poor as shit and you need to buy groceries. 

In instance #1 you will commonly just find a bigger container so that you can continue putting off addressing your change. In instance #2 you only address your change because you absolutely have to. What are your options when you cash in your coins?

1) Use the coin collector machine at Walmart and get raped at a rate of 10 cents on the dollar
2) Tediously roll the pennies up in those paper casings. 

After you've rolled up all your change and wheeled the four hundred pounds worth of scrap metal to your car, you drive it to the bank and collect 26 dollars. wow. Was rolling up all that change worth it? not really.

Change is rarely if ever good. Sure you could take a quarter from your change and put it in a slot machine and perhaps pull a jackpot, but that's not very likely. You can't build a foundation of a business with change. People may take pity on someone who is penniless and throw them a bone but they will ignore someone with a handful of change. 

Personally speaking I've never heard my wife say "I'm so happy with the way that you are treating me that I insist that you change your behavior." Nope, the only times we get lectured by our spouses or loved ones is because we are screwing up and they want change

Philosophically,  When we are at 100% we are like a dollar bill. One hundred cents unified in a single strong note.   When we are forced to change we have to adapt and cash ourselves in for 100 pennies. Certainly we are much more versatile and we can be alloted to many different things. But what really happens when you have handful of pennies? Generally you just smash them down on the table and forget about them for awhile. At some point the dog will run face first into a table leg and bump a few pennies off. Someone else will come by and play a game with the pennies flinging them back and forth. One of them will zing into a plant or zag underneath a counter. No one will think to pick the penny up because after all, it's just a penny. When you eventually get back to your change you will only be 78 cents strong. 

In life sometimes it is necessary to change. We believe foolishly because we are surviving that change is a good thing, but that is a lie. Any time we are forced to change, we compromise ourselves, without interest. In the end if you change, you are selling yourself short.


  1. Hmmm...but some of us are making changes because we're fed up with selling ourselves short.

  2. Don't you know me by now? I'd rather be clever than make an actual point :) I thought it would be fun to entertain the other side of the "change is good" argument.

  3. I now wish I'd said a bit more about that on mine, this could turn into a series.

  4. Anytime I read one of your blogs and I see a good counter argument, I'll write one and credit you up top. You can do the same too if ever inspired. Tit for tat.

  5. Yeah, I've done that a few times with other people too - good idea - now write something that makes me angry, I love a good rant lol.

  6. they're thinking of getting rid of pennies in canada lol!

  7. Well, the laundry mat's washers and dryers don't accept bills or cards, so--yep, I still need change.

  8. @big a: cool, now we just have to get rid of loonies and toonies.

    @nick touche.

  9. Loose change and Change as a whole abstract analogy.
    Good read, excellent build up, eloquent arguments.

    Overall - Bullocks! Just another pretentious and rhetorical argument.:)