Tuesday, March 15, 2011

The Shamwow is Amazing



The Shamwow is the greatest infomercial ever. We have know for ages that the crap they sell on late night television doesn't work and is merely a gimmick to extract our hard earned dollars. Previously infomercials dedicated a lot of effort into convincing you that their product was reliable. After purchase the item would undoubtedly fail or what once seemed useful about the device no longer mattered. That was how they got you. A big promise up front followed by testimonials and demonstrations. In some cases they even included a money back guarantee which only about 5% of the unhappy public ever claimed. This formula of bullshit and lies continued for about 15 years until one day the mighty Shamwow rode in to save the day.

We believe that it is called Shamwow because it is the combination of the words Shammy(chamois) and wow. In other words the greatest chamois to ever have been created. This is our mistake, look closer. The first word is actually sham.

The definiton of sham is as follows:

a trick that deludes, cheap falseness, a imitation or counterfeit purporting to be genuine.

The second word used is wow which is a word used to express a strong feeling usually pleasure.
If we put these two words together we get Shamwow, a false, counterfeit pleasure.
During the entire production they never endeavor to lie to you. They tell you upfront that the product is made in Germany and the the Germans make "good stuff." I surmise that the shamwow was probably called the Guntersham and the company was failing horribly. They were most likely failing because the chamois works up to and including as well as a regular chamois, you know the kind you buy at Walmart for 2 bucks to wipe down your car. There was no incentive for people to purchase the Guntersham because there was nothing to be excited about. That was until some brilliant marketer decided to sell a shitty product for exactly what it was, a shitty product.

We have come to know the head of the company as the Shamwow guy. I don't know if he had a part in creating the title and the method of sale, but if he did he gets kudos from me. Every part of his uniform from the penis shaped microphone hanging phallically in his face to his Shamwow embroidered collared t-shirt and crack head eyes only help to sell the product further. It is clear that he is trying to appear as an infomercial impersonator gathering all the techniques and famously bad deliveries of dead end actors, musicians and anyone else who has ever tried to squeeze a buck out of the American public.

Finally we are purchasing an informercial product for the right reason and that reason is because the Shamwow is part of American culture, not because it is good. We know that the Paris Hiton's and the Kim Kardashian's and to a lesser extent the Justin Bieber's of the world are not talented. We have grown to be interested in them only because someone else has told us that we should be interested in them long enough until we finally are. The same goes for the Shamwow. Any person with common sense instantly recognizes the product as a piece of crap but now that it has become a fixture of our culture don't you kind of want one?

5 comments:

  1. I've never seen this post of yours before.

    I just want to say that the Shamwow guy looks either like

    1)a dinosaur
    or
    2)a gremlin

    How are we supposed to take him seriously?

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  2. @shanimal haha. Google "jurassic park raptor" as well.

    @bad wolf: thanks :)

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  3. yeah, the shamwow guy is basically a raptor. and don't think he wouldn't hesitate to rake his claws across your chest, take 15 bucks from your wallet, and leave you a shamwow to put pressure against the wound.

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  4. drone, is the shamwow! (TM) guy the same as the slap-chop a-hole?
    i think it may be...
    in the slapchop commercial, which loosely stated, is a "rap"- there can be heard:
    look at my nuts-
    repeatedly.
    slap-wow! should've been the name.
    when i watched the commercial the first time- i spit out the food i was chewing. i had heard of the slap-chop, but it was myth for months until i spied it for myself.
    friend of mine and her sibs exchange presents for x-mas- and the only requirement is that it's "as seen on tv"
    what a great idea.
    i think they all got snuggies and chia pets...
    snuggie-wow!!!
    the blanket/backward robe/shamoise- clean and relax at once.

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