Friday, October 7, 2011

Why I'm Not Rich

Besides the fact that I have no discernible talent and that I was not born into money, there are still several reason why I am not rich and probably never will be. Ignoring the few exceptions and the wealthy philanthropists who get all touchy feely and givey-givey with their money after they crack 20 billion, most people are rich because they don't give their money away.

Every moment of a rich persons life is consumed by monitoring every transaction to ensure that they are always getting the better end of the deal and if they aren't, they make certain that they can write it off as a business expense. Every conversation is an acquisition or a form of networking. Every purchase is an investment first, above all else. I'm not certain if assholes are drawn to making money or if the process of making money turns you into an asshole but most people with money are most certainly assholes.

I suspect that the problem with money is that everyone at one time needs it. In order to associate with people who have less money than you and keep your money, you have to do three things: 1) At all costs do not give people money! No matter how much they struggle, giving them money will only enable them to ask you for more money. 2) Make empty promises and excuses about how you'd like to help just....never do. 3) Develop a healthy paranoia about your money. Lie to everyone about your financial status. If you have to, cash out all of your bank accounts and bury the money in a tomb constructed beneath your investment properties in Bora Bora.

Being rich is also about perspective. When I think of inventions that I'd like to see in the world I want them to chiefly serve a beneficial purpose. I don't mean that they have to be altruistic, I just mean that like a car, stove or guitar the invention should ideally enhance life. I don't think that rich people have this same thought, in fact I think that a lot of people have an entirely different view on the situation.

Why build something that works and lasts when there is more money to be made by creating things that break or don't ever really work correctly? When the permutations of that idea are exhausted just start making crap that doesn't really do anything all. If you don't know what I am talking about just think about 90% of the "inventions" that are sold on the home shopping network.

The two pronged question that any wannabe rich person always asks when presented with any situation or idea is this: 1) How can I make money on that? 2) How can I make more money on that? Often times there is no way to make money and as such the rich person must figure out a way to break or alter an idea in order to make it profitable. If they cannot do this then they will surely introduce a middle man.

A middle man for those of you who don't know is someone whose sole purpose it is to extract dollars from your wallet. A middle man is different from a trained professional who provides a service. Middle men create superfluous jobs and job titles and will scare you with advertising so that you'll come running to them for help. If you don't know who I am talking about anyone with the word "Agent" or "Life Coach" in their job title is a good start.

As as thinking member of the world I anticipate that some people will do a poor job sometimes and will need assistance, the only difference is that I wouldn't seek to make a profit out of it. Secondly, sometimes a helping hand can be a gift or a gesture of love and not fodder for a future manipulation or "business venture."


  1. I agree with you, some people are just really money hungry it's sad actually.

  2. I agree with your post, but I think the reason why I'm not rich is that no one has invested in my invention of disolvable swimming trunks.

  3. I'd like to be rich, well who wouldn't, but I want it so I can help a lot of other people as well.

    But I wonder if I really did win the lottery or come up with some amazing idea whether I would feel the same.
    As you rightly say you don't get to stay rich by spending your money, and some of the most generous people are the ones who don't have much anyway.

  4. I'm thinking if you think you're not rich then maybe your frame of reference is just too small. In reference to the rest of the world even the poorest people here in Australia are very rich

  5. Now that you mention it, Tony Robbins does kind of look like Frankenstein.