Edge

I want to be less edgy. Currently my blog is a tamer, lamer version of how I feel. My humour and many of my real thoughts are quite dark. I imagine that darkness is a manifestation of my fear of death. You know who doesn't want to read about your fear of death? Everybody. Well, there could be a few weird ones who think that they are edgy and unique who will listen. They unfortunately will only read a few paragraphs before retreating back into the belief that they're the only ones who know true suffering. I know this because Tyler knows this. 

I want to be less edgy, yes even less edgy than I already am because I want people to read what I write. I don't want to scare people off with some pretentious esoteric scribblings. I want to be inclusive and accepting. I want to be the voice of the people. 


I have been looking at blogs from all around the world in the last few days to try to get a feeling for what people are interested in reading about. I have narrowed the field down to a few main categories:


1) Cats/Animals
2) Fashion/Makeup
3) Politics
4) Technology Reviews


In my attempt to grasp at more blog hits and by association greatness I bring you the first entry of my brand new blog style.


Hey loyal follower, Today Lucy (she's my cat) came over and sat on my lap. You know what she did after that? she started pushing up and down on me, trying to soften me up like I was her bed LOL! cats think that we are warm chairs. If I didn't mention this already my cat is super smart, she knows how to poop in the toilet (For realz) but unfortunately she can't flush. Talk about an awkward moment when you go to pee at 2 a.m. and the kitty is hunched over the toilet reading the San Francisco Chronicle. 

My dogz's name is Lola, she's a pug. Pugs are ugly as hell. At best their faces look like tired old men at the nursing home, at worst they look like someone glued a couple of golf balls to a scrotum. Since I am too poor and irresponsible to have children, my wife likes to dress the dog up like it's a person. She is ashamed of this behavior but she does it anyway. I think that they should have a fashion blog for dogs so that they can get all the latest styles. They probably do but they need to have a segment where the super tall, skinny, gaunt dogs walk down the runway. Make it work!

I think that makeup is cool. When I was a kid I used to like to put my mom's makeup on. Sometimes when no one was home I would put my mom's clothes on and walk around in her shoes and say "I'm the queen, nice to meet you." Next thing you know I'm in therapy and the psychologist is saying "It's okay, you can tell me if you're gay." Naw, LOLZ that never happened I was just joshing your chain.


How about that Obama eh? I either agree with his politics or I believe that he is a dirty Muslim sinner (audience dependent). Since I hail from Canada originally I think it is absurd that a base level of health care is even being argued over. On the other hand, get your hands off my money Juan and go back to your own country, but leave the churros, thanks. 

Ipads, they suck. I can't afford one, screw you for having one. If you want me to change my opinion send me two.

So that's it, entry one of my new style I hope you enjoyed it!