Monday, March 28, 2011


I want to be less edgy. Currently my blog is a tamer, lamer version of how I feel. My humour and many of my real thoughts are quite dark. I imagine that darkness is a manifestation of my fear of death. You know who doesn't want to read about your fear of death? Everybody. Well, there could be a few weird ones who think that they are edgy and unique who will listen. They unfortunately will only read a few paragraphs before retreating back into the belief that they're the only ones who know true suffering. I know this because Tyler knows this. 

I want to be less edgy, yes even less edgy than I already am because I want people to read what I write. I don't want to scare people off with some pretentious esoteric scribblings. I want to be inclusive and accepting. I want to be the voice of the people. 

I have been looking at blogs from all around the world in the last few days to try to get a feeling for what people are interested in reading about. I have narrowed the field down to a few main categories:

1) Cats/Animals
2) Fashion/Makeup
3) Politics
4) Technology Reviews

In my attempt to grasp at more blog hits and by association greatness I bring you the first entry of my brand new blog style.

Hey loyal follower, Today Lucy (she's my cat) came over and sat on my lap. You know what she did after that? she started pushing up and down on me, trying to soften me up like I was her bed LOL! cats think that we are warm chairs. If I didn't mention this already my cat is super smart, she knows how to poop in the toilet (For realz) but unfortunately she can't flush. Talk about an awkward moment when you go to pee at 2 a.m. and the kitty is hunched over the toilet reading the San Francisco Chronicle. 

My dogz's name is Lola, she's a pug. Pugs are ugly as hell. At best their faces look like tired old men at the nursing home, at worst they look like someone glued a couple of golf balls to a scrotum. Since I am too poor and irresponsible to have children, my wife likes to dress the dog up like it's a person. She is ashamed of this behavior but she does it anyway. I think that they should have a fashion blog for dogs so that they can get all the latest styles. They probably do but they need to have a segment where the super tall, skinny, gaunt dogs walk down the runway. Make it work!

I think that makeup is cool. When I was a kid I used to like to put my mom's makeup on. Sometimes when no one was home I would put my mom's clothes on and walk around in her shoes and say "I'm the queen, nice to meet you." Next thing you know I'm in therapy and the psychologist is saying "It's okay, you can tell me if you're gay." Naw, LOLZ that never happened I was just joshing your chain.

How about that Obama eh? I either agree with his politics or I believe that he is a dirty Muslim sinner (audience dependent). Since I hail from Canada originally I think it is absurd that a base level of health care is even being argued over. On the other hand, get your hands off my money Juan and go back to your own country, but leave the churros, thanks. 

Ipads, they suck. I can't afford one, screw you for having one. If you want me to change my opinion send me two.

So that's it, entry one of my new style I hope you enjoyed it!


  1. Haha, you made me laugh.

    4 realz. lol. omg, so like, pugs r hideous. im glad we share that same view. im like a pillow to my cats because im fluffy like them lolz.

    Don't forget the number 1 type of blog: mommy blogs!
    "I'm so proud of Little Bob. He just made his first shidobee in the toilet. Here's a picture!"

  2. You forgot Christian blogs. How I despise them.

  3. Dear Drone,
    I have searched the world for a totally clump-free albeit water-proof mascara. Do you have a brand in mind to recommend? Just asking since now we are on the make-up subject.
    Thank you for the help.


    but I really would like to know how you get a cat to shit in the toilet

  5. My cat is also Lucy. She sends her regards. Yes, she is that smart!

  6. Haha so this is where you sell out? I was expecting at minimum you would at least come home with a wheelbarrow full of money.

  7. @shanimal: shidobee, haha!

    @thatguy: you're right, but if i'm going to be everyone's friend I can't talk about religion.

    @Psycho Basher: clumps are always going to be there, just like a good milkshake is always going to be fattening. the trick is to find a good brush for application and to keep it clean. Like a concert violinist, you only want to use the best instruments, no exceptions!


    @Bruce: Cool, we'll have to setup a meeting for them so they can get to solving this global warming/climate change thing.

    @Jay: It's the new world, you've got to sell out and make the sex tape first and then collect the rewards later.

  8. that was too funny ... i suppose my blog is too heavy for people lol! i too should add in a little lipstick

  9. haha classic please - Bring back the EDGE!