Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Fuck The Like Button

90% of my Facebook activities revolve around poking my father. It should come as no surprise that I do not like Facebook. I don't dislike it for the same trendy reasons that the wannabe misanthropists do it. I don't dislike it because I am counter culture. I don't dislike it because it is primarily a tool for stupid people to congregate and exchange ideas. I simply reject it because of its premise and that premise is to share your life experiences with your friends and family. As a misanthrope with no money, how many friends could I really have and how valuable could a tool like Facebook be toward serving my needs? If anything, Facebook only exposes and shares my secrets with people that I don't really like, secrets that I probably wouldn't have talked about if I didn't feel obligated.  

As I've said before however, the only thing worse than acquainting yourself with a piece of technology or service that you don't like is being left behind by society. So I've bought in to a certain degree I'm not trying to pad my friends list or push a religious/political/environmental agenda but I will send you some gifts in farmville and take a survey from time to time. If you are a loyal Facebook user the only thing I ask of you is that use the "like" button with discretion. 

When I pen a status update I think about it and I try to be clever or interesting. Below is an example of a recent one:

"I'm thinking about starting a company that sells equipment to help older cats live healthier more active lives. I'm going to call it: Feline Aids."

Granted this status may not tickle your funny bone and I understand that. I don't expect everyone on my list to like everything that I say. However, I will then see someone else's status like this:

"Just bought some batteries" 

This status gets 4 "likes" and a discussion about what kind of batteries/what size are your favorites ensues. I don't want to call people outright dumb so I'll have to do it indirectly. What the Fuck people? I know that thinking on any level is difficult but you are presenting and supporting the idea that you are an idiot by "liking" and engaging in these topics. If you are making these status updates you should be ashamed. Unless you are posting on Facebook to let your brother/sister know that you have walked their dog which you are babysitting then there is no reason to report it. The only thing you are saying to sane intelligent people when you make a useless comment is "I am boring and useless but I want attention because I am narcissistic." If you are "liking" and replying to these useless status updates you are saying "I am an idiot who doesn't have thoughts. Thankfully you've mentioned batteries, batteries are something that even an idiot has been acquainted with in life. As an idiot, I will now talk about batteries and praise you for bringing up the topic."

If you see something you don't understand, work to understand it. Inquire, ask questions. Being passive is a disease. Sure this entire commentary is fueled by jealousy but that's beside the point. It's hard enough for me to maintain the facade that I support the human race as it is please don't make it more difficult by liking the fact that some dumbass ate a cookie.


  1. I completely agree. This is one of the big reasons why I do not like facebook or twitter. Because people feel that things they do everyday is actually important and entertaining to people. I myself see facebook as a means to talk to friends and plan events easier. Not to talk about how I just got a brand new t-shirt.

  2. uh oh Tom, you agreed with me. Is this a sign of the Apocalypse? :)

  3. I have agreed with you before and yes it is.

  4. I was looking back at my very first facebook status - "is watching telly". To be fair, I hadn't quite grasped the idea behind facebook at that time. I'm a reformed character now!

    Loved the post :)

  5. status in class now. /like?

    :) funny post

  6. ,,,is reading drones blog.

    Totally agree, have written one or two posts about the idiots who post boring status's myself.

    My greatest achievement on facebook is getting deleted by three gingers in one day on account of what I thought was a pretty hilarious status and the comment convo that followed.

  7. I only use my Facebook account to respond to calumnies against apes. Are you a self-hating human? It wouldn't bother me if you were.

  8. i can't stand the stupid fucking poke button ... i intentionally ignore the pokes until i feel like it may hurt someone's ego, then finally give a poke back and within an hour they've fucking poked me again!!!!


    i hate the poke


    i love putting days of thought into the perfect status that anyone can identify with and getting NO response. i also love overly personal statuses or angry ones.

  10. thanks for the morning laugh :)

  11. the like button is a tool for the stupid to be able to express their (lack of) thoughts without too much ... thought

  12. more fueled by righteous indignation than jealousy i'd say.

  13. sit on my FACE-book.
    i have lost "friends" who only post invites and upcoming events on facefuckingbook.
    guess who the only person under 60 in the usa is who doesn't use the fucking thing?
    and i don't want to.
    really wish everyone i knew would shut the fucking fuck up about joining though.
    guess what? if you want to know my thoughts, ideas, or what i am doing- call me, email me, hang out with me, or read my fucking blog.
    is that shit not enough?

    fuck you facebook.
    in the face.